Thursday, March 31, 2005

Coed nudity

Now that I have your attention, here is the latest on the subjects.

Terry Schaivo died. I suggest making a living will and discussing it with your family. Looks like that would have saved mucho grief. The Pope appears to be hella sick. He will probably die soon. I hope HE has a living will. The fact that these people are really famous allows us to see their suffering, sometimes live on tee vee. That doesn't mean that the grief their loved ones feel is any larger or more valid. Your loved ones will hurt when you die too. Make it a little easier on them. A will (both kinds) is a good thing.

Apparently Iraqis still haven't formed a government, even 2 months after elections. Thing are slowly getting better I suppose, but they have a long row to hoe before it's all milk and honey. Meanwhile we are on the hook for huge efforts here. I sincerely hope that the Iraqis can transcend their tribal/ethnic/religious differences and create a functioning, durable, SECULAR government. I remain realistically skeptical.

Looks like the intelligence folks were flat wrong on the WMD thing. Funny that. I suppose the next time we get into this kinda situation we should throw in enough skepticism to keep us from having to change the fundamental reason we went to war after the fact. Just a suggestion.

Note from Sharon: Can we impeach Bush, 'cause he lied to us? When Clinton lied about his sex life, he got impeached, and no one even died. I figure we shouldn't do any less for Bush.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Tally Ho!

It's off to beautiful Mattoon Illinois next week on business. I generally don't like business travel. It has a tendency to be to places you would not have chosen for fun and the trips tend to be lonely.

In an effort to understand the locale that I am visiting, with a glass of port in easy reach, I checked out quite a bit of the web site content and the related sites. Mattoon has some 19,000 residents and the town dates back to the mid 1800's. Did you know that this is the site of the annual Bagelfest? Some of the related sites are, well, quaint. The fire department website is especially nifty.

Do you travel on business? Do you like to? What do you do to bring a touch of home with you?

Post your comments now, a fabulous prize goes to the first poster and the tenth as well!

Ten Commandments

I heard a great position on the display of the ten commandments by governments. The speaker was a evengelical preacher and he feels that such displays are blasphemy, and that it should terrify evangelicals that the government is attempting to co-opt their religion to get control over people. Here is a good Slate article on the general subject.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Indian burial mound size pile of cat litter

We had a few folks over fer the candy bunny holiday. We bbqd chickens, franks, and veggies and ate and drank ourselves silly. Best story around the table was the pile o' cat litter the size of an indian burial mound. See the pics at

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Oooohh, new template!

Well, as you can see the template has been changed. I got tired of the blah black blackness of the "minima" template. This one is called rounders.

People who see my computers often know that I change my wallpaper frequently. At home the motif is generally paintings of nudes/semi-nudes. At work it is usually some large scale nature/technology view like an aerial view of a bridge or a spacecraft in space, or paintings by some well known painters like Matisse, Cezanne, or Bouguereau.

Here is my current home wallpaper:

Oh, and that profile pic is an old one, like 1985 or so!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

News flash: Readers not posting

It has come to my attention that some of you readers are not posting comments due to fears of inadequacy in the wittiness department. Rest assured that all comments witty and non-witty are encouraged celebrated. Thanks for reading, even you bashful types.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I, Survivor

Spent the last two days with what seemed like 50 fourth graders, actually just 28, in the rain and mud escorting trudging them through the goldrush town of Columbia, then a night at a youth hostel, then the state capitol tour, then Sutter's Fort, then the Indian Museum, a little more Sutter's Fort, then the railroad museum in Sacramento. The bus driver George was really great. The sites were pretty neat. I especially liked the capitol. We almost got to meet the guvernator, but he was in Fresno. We did see his reception room. The kids seemed to like everything equally, but somewhat less than running around and talking too loudly in almost all circumstances. (though they were very well behaved at the capitol) There were two other dads and five moms along for the trip. Nice folks all. Glad to be back.

The hostel in Sacramento is an old mansion. Really cool architecture. The capitol building is a must see if you have political interests. Worth the trip alone. Sutter's Fort is pretty good, but definitely geared for school aged visitors. The adjacent Indian museum is small but full of artifacts. They make it pretty clear what the white man did to the natives when they arrived, and they don't pull punches. The railroad museum has about a dozen real locomotives and perhaps fifteen cars of various descriptions. My favorite engine is the one that is 1,051,800 pounds, and it is really huge and all black.

28 nine year olds! ... Am now having drinkie.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Mister Clean

Spent the whole day cleaning the garage. Looks like an operating room with a Honda in the middle of it now. Tomorrow and Wednesday I'm in Sacramento on a fourth grade class field trip. Read savemouse instead.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Your Tax Dollars for GOD's way

Apparently if your NAME is DeLay it becomes your mission to DELAY a woman's death with dignity, and prolong her life of feeding tubes in a persistent vegatative state. The United States Congress (house and senate) are conspiring to increase the circus surrounding Terri Schiavo from one to twenty rings.

The religious pro-life movement have mobilized and co-opted the repuppetlican party and are working to make sure the state has the right to force you to live even when you didn't want to any more and your body has reached the end.

Terry Schiavo certainly has NO IDEA that this is going on but it is certain that her husband is being persecuted with a real hell perpetrated by his in-laws, the religious right, Jeb Bush, George Bush, and the repuppetlicans grandstanding for their god.

This commentary has it right.

Automatic Irritation Machine

OK Last post today, then I promise to get a life. More life, less blog.

I bank with a large chain bank whose identity shall remain shrouded, however their initials are WAMU. They, like all banks, have what we called in the 80's "coke machines" but we now call an ATM. I think that stands for Automated TELLER Machine. It takes the place of a teller in the bank branch. (are you still with me so far?)

Now WAMU has some of the friendliest machines you can imagine. They use super folksy, "How can I help you today my fine friend?" sort of language. This is already irritating enough since I have to read through actual dialog to get the message. So I put my card in that sucker and the first thing it does is ask me what language I would like to be chatted up in.

This is the part that kills me. How many times do I have to answer English for it to remember that I want to use English EVERY DAMN TIME. If a human teller who recognized me with as much precision as the machine does, asked me this question more than once I would have to say they were a moron.

Now don't get me started on the point of sale terminals intalled everywhere that all look alike and do exactly the same thing but have very different ways of going about doing it. Do I press enter first, then slide my card, push credit or answer the checker, sign the paper slip or the touch screen.... Fricken little machines piss me off.

fricken raindrops keep fallin on my head

Enough with the motherhumpin rain already. Lets see more of that tee shirt weather we had a couple of weeks ago. Note to Mother Nature: I ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH WEEDS! Sheesh.

spammers = stupid people breeding

OK, so we all know that the only reason spammers keep spamming is that there are just enough people to make it worth the time and effort. So because there are people who prepared to buy prescription drugs from people who cannot spell, we are flooded with hyperventilating offers for C1al1s, V1agr@, etc.

So rest assured there are plenty of people who are willing to buy their love potions from people who intentionally misspell to avoid spam filters. I worry about laugh at these people. Then I realize the awful truth... they're breeding!

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Bob the Builder

With a cold martini at hand I reflect on my glorious past.

People call me Bob the Builder when I build stuff. I have always built stuff. I got good at it early along and I have just kept working bigger projects up until I rebuilt the North end of our house.

Three bedrooms and two bathrooms gutted to the studs, demolish 80 square feet of illegal addition, add 130 square feet back onto the house, demolish and rebuild 1/3 of the roof, framing, electrical , plumbing, finish, and all that. Sharon loaded the 5 dumpsters. Now we have four bedrooms. It all works well and doesn't look like it wasn't that way from the start.

We had to do this and rebuild our enclosed porch too when the County inspector decided to do us a favor by writing us up for the 35 year old work that was done without a permit here at the casa.

When you come by I'll give you a tour.

How can you bend that way?

Just got back from dropping off one of the boys at a friend's. Went by a house that the wife pointed out as one she has always admired. Then I looked it up on the ol' web-a-roo.

Whoa, 3 million bucks!

OK, that's a real nice house and all, but let's do the math. 1% property taxes mean you shell out $30,000 bucks a year to the local gubbament. If you have the regular old 1 million clam sorta house and you owe a couple hundred grand on it, that means you need a jumbo sort of loan for a mere $2,200,000 which works out to approximately $11,810.08 per month.

So now you need just about $171,720.96 per year to pay the taxes and mortgage. Toss in some more for insurance and your getting pretty close to 180 grand EACH YEAR for the house. That's $493 every 24 hours, or if you like that works out to making about $62 an hour just for the house. You'll probably need some money for munchies and clothes, magazine scrips and cellphones. At this rate you are going to want premium cable and high speed Internet.

Looks like $15,000 a month, or $180,000 a year AFTER TAXES. You might want to go on vacations and save for retirement so let's slide it on up to $200,000. At an overall tax rate of, oh, 30%, you need to make just about $286,000 a year to cover it all. Yes Virginia, that's about $140 an hour for the regular 40 hour week.

I'm going to ask for a big ol' raise when I get back to work, or maybe just get two more jobs.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Shaken, Not Stirred

OK, got the martini and I'm ready to start writin...

Just because that philandering MI5 agent Bond dude has them shaken, doesn't mean you can't have'm that way. Dude; I do, and I'm not suffering at all.

Start with a martini glass. If you don't have any, go get some. You'll thank me, soon. Then get a martini olive and shove that sucker right in the bottom of the glass. If you stick a plastic toothpick in it that will facilitate the trip to your lip.

Put some ice in your cocktail shaker (you get them right next to the martini glasses (there are jeweled ones on sale at Pier One!)) and then get out your little tiny bottle of vermouth. Open the bottle and drizzle a little bit on the ice so the vermouth and ice get to know each other better. Don't put in more than a sip or your martini will suck.

Open your very large bottle of the good gin you hide from your greedier guests. I use The Bombay Sapphire, just like The Manolo does. Find a shot glass and wipe that puppy clean on your tee shirt. Fill-er-up. Dump (gin) on the ice. Do that again if you weigh more than 160 or so, or if you are related to Karen Allen. The first Indiana Jones movie, remember her. Man what a cutie, especially in Animal House, even better than Alyssa Milano, unless you count that Vampire movie she made, OH MY GOD what a sight that was but not as good as Dana Delany in that other movie WOW...

Where was I?

Then close up that shaker thingy. OK, This is the hard part coming up. You might want a Power Bar, or an Orange Julius at this point. Shake that shaker until it is too cold to hold onto any more. Ice should be forming on the outside just like your windshield on that trip to Fargo that time with that guy from the Wal Mart. Then take the top off (the top of the shaker, not your top, unless that is your drinking style, in which case please give me a call beforehand, unless you are a man in which case please call someone else) and purrr the contents through the strainer gizmo over The Olive. (if you use onions or a twist of lemon don't go nuke-yoo-lar on me)

By now there should be plenty of ice crystals in the juice. This is a Good Thing. Martha you rock.

Now you have to actually drink the martini. I suggest sipping the thing down fast enough to keep the last few drops cold. Chilling the glass helps a bit but not as much as paying attention to the task at hand. Tip: Hold the stem, not the bowl. Whatever you do, start the drinking soon because it isn't getting any better as you wait.
(crap, martini just ran out)

OK, by now you will be ready to kiss pretty much anyone (other than non-spousal family members) and the people you are with will seem WAY more interesting.

If you have any feeling in your hands left you can eat the olive. (Don't poke your tongue). If you can walk you can make another martini. Get me one while you are up.

I Had A Dream

And I saw all the people I knew in theatre and they were all there and there was a house trailer that was too short to stand up in with one wall missing and a woman with a VERY large head that was really flat like a lollipop and there was a woman kissing me REALLY VIGOROUSLY and I wanted to find that OTHER woman I saw but the police came and I had on a leather jacket that I have no idea where it came from then my friend was kissing that other woman then she was gone and I looked for her some more than I had to leave (ARGH) and then I woke up.

Ever had a dream like that?

Time to make a Martini.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

My friends don't get it

I had a conversation today with a friend that is one of a large group that don't really use computers and the internet. I don't get it... why would you not try to take full advantage of the internet? If you're reading this, you obviously are not in the above named group. Comments?

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Calling all readers

Remember what I said about movies, oh yeah I forgot to mention... B movies are the guilty pleasure that you are looking for. You want to select movies that cause your spouse to say things like, "Why did you rent this crap honey?" May I suggest the latest hall of shamer Nude On The Moon. Yes its available from Netflix right here.

Monday, March 14, 2005

The latest theatrical gambit

Thespian News Flash! I'll be playing two small parts in the upcoming production of The Miracle Worker at Broadway West in Fremont. Apparently small parts are my forte. I have previously appeared as Boo Radley (seven words), Nathan Radley (about 15 words), Man Two (~ eight more words), and Link Dees (35 words), in To Kill a Mockingbird and... in Dracula I appeared as the amazing "Attendant" uttering a stultifying 23 words before my untimely death at the hand of the demented Renfield.

The real reason I'm in again is to lend a had to a great little theatre and to my good friend Troy.


Just because you didn't know me before now doesn't mean I dont have a life. Stay tuned for sizzling updates hence.